Part 3:

“Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.” (Psalm 32:5)

In Part 2, I ended with this:

There is freedom in owning it. I said that taking responsibility feels heavy when I think responsibility means condemnation. But it becomes freeing when I realise responsibility leads me to mercy.

And I want to stay there for a little while. Because apparently, we humans have been struggling to simply own our sin from the very beginning. Literally.

Go all the way back to Genesis. God had given Adam and Eve one clear instruction. They disobeyed Him.

Then God came looking for Adam and asked him whether he had eaten from the tree He commanded him not to eat from.

Adam’s response? “The woman you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” (Gen 3:12) Oh, Adam. There it is. The original BUT. Yes, I ate it… BUT THE WOMAN.

And actually, if you read his answer carefully, Adam manages to point in two directions at once.

The woman… You put here with me.

In one sentence, Adam shifts the attention from his own disobedience to Eve and, indirectly, back to God. Then God turns to Eve. And Eve says:

“The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Gen 3:13) The serpent. Adam points at Eve. Eve points at the serpent. And suddenly I see myself standing right there in Genesis 3. Because thousands of years later, we are still pointing. Maybe repentance begins when the pointing stops.

That sentence has been sitting with me. Maybe genuine repentance begins when I stop looking around the room for somebody who can help explain my behaviour.

When I stop saying: But look what she did. But look how he treated me. But look at what I’ve been through. But surely You understand why I reacted that way.

And I turn the finger around. Not to destroy myself. Not to shame myself. But simply to say: Lord, show me me. That is a frightening prayer.

Because I am very good at seeing everybody else’s part. I can analyse their tone. Their behaviour. Their motives. Their mistakes.

I can give you a detailed report of precisely where they went wrong. But Jesus keeps bringing me back to my own heart. What did I say? What did I entertain? What did I choose? What did I do with the hurt? What did I do when the Holy Spirit convicted me?

Did I obey? Or did I defend? And then there is David. David’s story is uncomfortable because his sin was not small. He committed adultery with Bathsheba. She became pregnant. Then David tried to cover it up. And eventually Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, was deliberately placed where he would die in battle. This was ugly. There were consequences. There were people deeply hurt by David’s choices. And then Nathan confronted him. David could have defended himself.

He was king, after all. He could have explained. Blamed. Minimised. Hidden behind his position. Instead, David said:

“I have sinned against the Lord.”

(2 Sam 12:13) That’s it. No BUT.

And later, in Psalm 51, we hear the heart of a man who has finally stopped defending himself.“For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.”

(Psa 51:3) And then: “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.”

(Psa 51:4)

Now obviously David had sinned against people too.bUriah paid for David’s sin with his life. Bathsheba was deeply affected. Families were affected. So David isn’t saying that nobody else was hurt. He is recognising something deeper.

Ultimately, my sin is first against God. That changes repentance. Because suddenly repentance isn’t primarily about getting caught. It isn’t about protecting my reputation. It isn’t even primarily about feeling terrible about myself. It becomes relational. I have sinned against the One I love. And I want intimacy with Him restored.

There is a difference between being sorry and repenting. I can be sorry that something blew up. Sorry that somebody found out. Sorry that there are consequences. Sorry that people are angry with me. Sorry that I embarrassed myself. Sorry that my choices cost me something. But repentance goes deeper.

Repentance says: God, I agree with You about my sin. I don’t want to rename it anymore. I don’t want to defend it anymore. I don’t want to hide it anymore. And I don’t want to keep it anymore.

That last part matters. Because Proverbs 28:13, the verse I ended Part 2 with, doesn’t only say:

“the one who confesses…”

It says: “the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

Confesses and renounces. There is a turning involved. Repentance isn’t simply: Sorry, Jesus. See You again tomorrow with the same plan. It is a change of direction. It is bringing my sin into the light and saying: I don’t want this more than I want You.

And sometimes that turning happens beautifully and immediately.

Sometimes it becomes a battle where I have to choose obedience again and again and again.

But the posture changes. I am no longer defending what God is trying to free me from. And this is where I find something beautiful. Because once the pointing stops… once the excuses stop… once the hiding stops… I discover that God wasn’t waiting for me with a hammer.

He was waiting with mercy.

1 John 1:9 says:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

Be forgiven today…

Love

V.L